I’m struggling to express this now. It seems that not only have I been killed by this paedophile f**k, but I’m also his wife! I mean, not now – obviously; I’m dead after all, but like, in a previous life.
This is hard to take, but it kind of makes sense. It turns out that when he had his second vision, it’s discovered that he’s not a paedophile after all.
The vision was that he saw some of the hardcore stuff happen to his own kid (Eve that is) when she was a toddler. That was hard on him. Those he saw as his peers doing all that stuff to his own flesh and blood made him see that he wasn’t like that at all. Made him see that at the end of the day it was only really about me! Weird, right?
God knows what his third vision is going to be!
[Just an aside: for research into finding femininity through rape in the prison system, look into M/s (or is it D/s?) stuff. The Littles (or is it Smalls?) might have some insight into finding their feminine via being dominated]
I know that part of me is happy (dead, but still changing?) but another part doesn’t want to let this sick f**k get away with what he did to me. I mean- there was some cold-hearted business going on there. Dominance, mental manipulation, verbal manipulation and even some physical manipulation too, including not allowing ‘no’ to be ‘no’. There was some penetration that I don’t want to talk about now. Not yet. Not ready.
[Another aside: from The Seven Basic Plots by Christopher Booker:
1. Aggressive and oppressive use of power (basis of first vision?)
2. Disorder and things not as they should be (basis of second vision?)
3. Things being obscured or hidden so that no-one can see wholly or clearly (basis of third vision?)
4. A lack of proper feeling of love or mutual affection (a spare one)]
Got the third vision – exposure.
All his internet stuff – the hidden stuff on the Google Drives etc. is put on his Facebook profile – the one with all the family connections on it. That’s going to really suck because there’s a lot of hard-core kiddy-porn there – stories and images.
After his first (or maybe second) vision he was humming and ha’ing about whether to delete this stuff, but he didn’t fully. Actually, maybe this is the second vision. Let’s see. Oh, okay – it’s the third. He thinks (on the basis of the other two) that it is a ‘dream’. But it isn’t. It’s real.
He’s gotten over is need for this material long ago. It’s a hangover. An old cache. An obsolete archive that has no bearing on the new him.
The stage is coming close to being set to get him and me re-united. Some stuff needs to happen first, though. And it needs to be seen whether he dies or not I mean, after all – I’m dead.